Yippee! Today is the first day of my favorite season. Some call it Fall, some call it Autumn. Whatever you call it, I love it! The mountains–covered in trees as they are here–become a riot of color, the weather suits me just about perfectly, being neither too hot nor too cold, and everything I’m most allergic to dies!
From here on out to the beginning of winter, the nights get longer, and we all want to be more cozy, to get things settled for winter…Another reason this season is my favorite! Bring on the apples, the mulled apple cider, the spiced teas, the hot chocolate, the baked butternut squash, hearty, veggie-heavy stews, and all the seasonal foodie goodness! Bring on the cardigan sweaters, long sleeved tees, and light jackets!
Today is the Autumnal Equinox, also known as the harvest festival Mabon. Today markes a balance of light and dark. It makes you think of balance, what is and isn’t balanced in your life. Or, at least, that’s what it makes me think about. Traditionally, in some circles, it’s also a time to think about what you want to let go of–from household clutter to stories you tell yourself that no longer serve you–and about what you want to embrace.
I’ve been mulling over the things I want to let go of and the things I want to embrace as I’ve gone about my day. These are my lists so far (I may add to them at a later date):
Things I Want to Let Go Of
- The household clutter that’s driving me crazy, especially the old magazines and the notes and books from university that I’m unlikely to ever use again in this life. The knowledge in them is already floating around in my mind. Hanging onto them physically is clinging to a security blanket and making my living quarters cramped.
- The pervasive fear of failure that holds me back from so many things. I know this is not going to be easy, and that I’ll most likely never be able to fully let go of the fear of failure, but it can be made less pervasive. For instance, in the grand scheme of things, if I screw up a sketch, it won’t be the end of the world, so I should sketch instead of being afraid of failing at it.
- The pervasive fear of rejection that keeps me trying to cater to what everyone else wants from and for me, and the brand of it that causes me to shy away from even trying to form romantic relationships. Again, it’s not going to be easy, but if I’m going to wish to let go of something, I may as well wish big, right?
- The inherited thought and feeling that there’s never enough money. I have enough: enough stuff, enough money, all the necessities and quite a few things that are frivolities. I don’t have to buy into the scarcity thinking dominant in the U.S. right now.
- The old stories that replay in my mind, all centered around the ways I’m not “good enough.” Good enough for and to whom? I’m good enough for me. I’m good enough for my friends. I may not be deemed good enough by my family, but they have their own plans and agenda for me that hasn’t really ever lined up with my own.
- Approval-seeking behaviors. That kind of ties in with the stories about me not being “good enough,” in that I seek approval from those that, for whatever reason, cannot accept me as I actually am. No matter what I do or who I am, someone somewhere is going to disapprove. That should be their problem, not mine.
- Fear of the unknown. I can fear what I don’t know, especially what I don’t know about my life’s trajectory, or life can be an adventure. I can ride on intuition or I can ride on fear. I’d rather ride on intuition. It will take practice, but that’s to be expected.
Things I Want to Embrace
- Faith and hope that all will work out as it’s supposed to, in its own time, and also faith and hope in my dreams.
- Trust that all my needs will be met, even if all my wants are not.
- Writing. I’m making a tentative stride toward this. I started taking SARK’s Juicy Journaling e-course Sunday, and my pen is definitely juicy.
- My artistic urges toward painting and drawing and other forms of visual art, though I feel out of practice at best and totally incompetent at times. So many images are lighting up in my dreams and daydreams, begging to be brought to life, and obviously they’re choosing me.
- Photography. I’ve had a vacation from it, but I want to re-embrace it.
- The something rising inside me that feels like a golden ball of light in my chest. I’m sure it has many mysteries to impart.
- The greatness of Possibility.
- Everyday blessings, like my friend Misty’s children’s giggles or the ripe juicyness of the locally grown apples in my family’s kitchen right now.
- A better work-life balance.
What do you wish to let go of as the year turns toward its end? What do you wish to embrace?
As I’ve said today, in my native Kentucky dialect, “Happy Fall, y’all!”