A Change to Take Gladly

Fear seems to be taking up less space in my head these days.  I’m not sure why.  I think it may have something to do with people believing in me, even strangers who just happen upon my blog.  Maybe I’ve just gotten to a point that it doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.   Probably, it’s a combination of the two.  Either way, I’ll take the change gladly.

I do wish I could say that said people who believe in me are, at least in part, my family, but I can’t.  Dad may, but he’s mum on the subject.  I’m learning to accept that, for their own reasons, they can’t bring themselves to be supportive of what’s ahead of me.

I’m coming to this space of calm bedrock to rest on.  Deep down, there is a call, and I am, save for the occasional weak moment, through trying to fight it.  I’m almost to the point of being 100% committed to following my intuition.  After all, the alternative is tying myself up in logical knots, which I’ve found time and again is absolutely zero help, and usually only leads to anxiety attacks and sleepless nights.

Is it possible that our hearts know our homes before our minds catch up?  I’m beginning to think so.

This is where I stand right now:  I will ride this sinking day job ship down–provided it sinks, with the owner’s retirement, before May–and, afterward, I will go in the direction my inner compass points.

Ultimately, is there any other way to go besides the direction our inner compass points that isn’t littered with regrets?

I truly would rather know what would have happened if I made a choice that was wholly my own for once, if I followed my heart without reservation, than always wonder what would have happened if I had instead of caving to outside pressure.  If I go out on this limb and it doesn’t work out, at least there will be closure.

I will keep a financial safety net underneath me, as always.  I will be reasonably careful, as always.  That will have to be enough.  I’m not going to live my life being paranoid or wrapped in figurative bubble wrap, being a slave to fear and others’ visions of my life.  I can’t.  Not anymore.

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