What do you wish to pay attention to?
Lately, I’ve been feeling wiped out and I’ve had trouble sleeping. (Insomnia comes and goes for me, in a myriad of manifestations and for a variety of different reasons.) I felt so wiped out yesterday that I took a nap when I got home from work and went to bed early, which, for me, if it happens at all, it’s usually when I’m sick. Today I still felt really run-down.
Since I didn’t have a heavy work-load today at the office, I had some time to think and examine what might be causing this. I’ve been trying to cram too much into the space of time between getting home from the office and going to bed. I’ve started a lot of things that I thought would be fun and/or good for me, but, in combination, it’s just too much. Plus, a few of those things came to mind immediately when I wondered if they were things I really wanted to do.
I wish to pay attention to what I’m doing with my free time, to notice whether I’m doing something enjoyable, or something that will truly benefit me though I may not necessarily enjoy it at the time (like exercise or going to bed half an hour earlier). If I don’t enjoy doing whatever-it-is and it’s not going to truly and tangibly benefit me, then that is something I’m going to drop, and I wish to drop it without guilt. Or, if I am still interested in it but it makes me stressed out right now to try to cram it in, then I want to just gently set it on the back burner for a time when I have more time to devote to it. I’m doing a lot of things, but with little depth to them, and that’s not good.
I wish to pay attention to what drains my energy, and then let it go.
It’s like I’m basically giving myself busy work, doing things because I think I should because I started them. That doesn’t leave me much time to do the things that really make my heart sing or give me peace of mind. Sometimes we try something new at a restaurant and it turns out not tasting good to us, so we don’t order it again. This is a similar sort of situation.