What do you wish to know?
That’s such a loaded question for me at this point.
I wish to know when my boss is going to retire, so I would be better able to make an informed decision about this job. Is his timeline going to work with mine? (I’ve asked. Still no firm answer. It has changed too many times to count.) I’m very tired of this town. I’ve never fit in, and still don’t. My kindred spirits aren’t here, or, if they are, they are in hiding and I can’t find them. Should I quit? If so, when? These are a few questions to which I wish to know the answers.
I have this idea about where to move, to live and set up my own independent life, that just won’t leave me alone. It haunts my daydreams, my night dreams, my imagination. I can even smell the scents associated with it. It’s also across the country from where I live now. I wish to know if that really is where I’m supposed to be. Should I go directly there, check it out and start laying the groundwork to move, or is there a point in between here and there that I am supposed to go first? I’m so uncertain about this. It’s probably fear. I wish to know, with certainty where I belong. Where do I need to go to live happily, to reach my potential?
I wish to know what my occupational purpose is. Overall, I know we’re each here to be ourselves, but we also, unfortunately, have to make money to feed, clothe, and shelter ourselves, and finding a comfy spot in the workforce can be a challenge. How am I meant to be employed?
I wish to know whether or not my family will accept the changes I make. I’m very different from them. I’m the odd woman out. I can’t stop caring what they think, not entirely. They want me to stay here, but I can’t…Not if I want to reach my potential. That’s something I’ve known since childhood. They have their own ideas about who I should be and what I should do that I just don’t live up to, and never will. I wish I knew how to prepare myself for their reactions, for the guilt trips that will inevitably be lobbed my way, and how to address their legitimate concerns, without entirely losing my temper or giving in.
Sighs. So many questions, most of which can only be answered by diligent self-inquiry and/or leaps of faith leading to direct experience. I wish to know, to truly know on a deep level, that I am worthy of a happy, healthy, productive life, whether it meets others’ expectations or not, and that I can and will do what it takes for me to have that. That is what I wish most of all. For the other wishes to come true, that is what I need to know above all else.
What do you wish to know? Write it down. Join in!