This weekend, I followed that still, small, insistent and internal voice and tangibly gave myself permission to learn, explore and dream BIG.
Let me start at a point earlier in time…
Over the past few weeks, sign ups have started for some truly inspiring and beautiful e-courses and such that I’ve been thinking long and hard about. Goddess Leonie is offering up all her e-courses, meditation kits, and other goodies for a year for a flat fee. Rachelle Mee-Chapman is launching Power Stories. Registration for Tracey Clark‘s Picture Fall is open, as is registration for Susannah Conway‘s Unravelling. And then it was announced that a session of Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen‘s Mondo Beyondo course would begin August 30th.
Lots and lots of goodness coming down the pipeline from people whose work and spirits I admire.
My first reaction was to just completely opt out. I felt like I couldn’t decide. I don’t have time to do them all, and maybe not enough time to devote to just one depending on the time commitment. If there were special materials I’d need to buy, that could be a pain since I live in Nowheresville. I also didn’t want to do anything for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes I buy books or decide to do things because I think I need them to be a better person or improve my creativity, or I go in with hopes that whatever-it-is will fix me. These I count as wrong reasons. A book or an e-course or an activity can precipitate change your life, but it’s not the book, e-course, or activity itself that does the changing, but the shift(s) it creates inside you, it’s how you interact with the material and what you take away from it. That seems like a small shift in perspective, but it can make a lot of difference and quell a lot of disappointment.
Still, it kept nagging at me. I really did feel like I wanted to do one of them, just that I needed to figure out which one was right for me, in both content and timing.
So I sat down with my paper journal and wrote out what I thought I would get out of each, examined my estimated time commitments for each and the named (or possibly necessary) materials, and examined my motives in relation to each one. I tried to get a read on which was really calling my name, which one felt most like it was coming along at the right time, which I could best approach as an interesting opportunity to learn from others and about myself, rather than a panacea.
After three nights in a row of dreaming of doing so, and much thought and deliberation, I signed up Saturday morning for Mondo Beyondo. I’ve wanted to do it since last fall, but in the case of the earlier sessions, it just didn’t feel like the right time. This time it does. Also, it scares me just a little, which, with me, generally signals a prime opportunity for growth.
I have a confession to make: despite what I said at New Year’s, despite my word of the year, I’ve been scared most of this year of truly allowing myself to open up and dream big. In all honesty, I hadn’t fully given myself permission to do so for various reasons (including, and especially, fear of failure). Now I am giving myself full and tangible permission to dream big, to do so in community, and to learn from others who are living their dreams.
I’m so excited! I can’t wait! 🙂