I’ve been really unbalanced lately.
As I said yesterday when I posted this month’s full moon dreamboard, a lot of old hurts, a lot of old tapes, have come up, things I thought I was done with, but, really, I’d just shoved them in a mental closet until the door couldn’t shut on them anymore. Again, I wish I could say I’ve been dealing with it gracefully and compassionately, but, for the most part, I haven’t been.
In addition to the inner upheaval, I’ve had a lot of stress coming at me from work, and also from certain family members. I haven’t been dealing with this gracefully nor compassionately, either.
It’s been sort of the perfect storm. Of course, I did ask to not be allowed to go back to sleep and ignore what I really want out of this one, wild life, so I should have expected this, as this generally happens when the status quo isn’t cutting it anymore and one starts to seriously contemplate doing something about it. It begs for resistance!
I decided today, when my stress, anger and frustration left me flushed, when my skin felt burning hot, that I had to get out of the house. I had to get away from the triggers for a while. I had to go to what has become my default sacred space: the local lake. If I’m feeling at my wit’s end, I’m likely to be found there, being caressed by Mama Nature’s breeze off the water, being lulled by the sound of its lapping at the shore, and finding peace underneath a tree or surrounded by a few. All the bitterness, sadness, anger, stress, frustration, fear…Whatever has me emotionally at the end of my rope seems to drain away, and I am led back to myself. I don’t know how it happens, but it does.
On my way, when I was almost there, a hawk swooped down less than a foot in front of my windshield. I braked, fearing I would hit it, but it was far too fast for that. I took note. Guess what hawks mean in terms of totems?
“Hawk’s piercing shriek tears through the air. In its shrill cry lies an important message which represents illumination. Hawk teaches us to scope out the situation and focus on our talents, trying to draw them out. Hawk learns to see the big picture in order to understand the past, present, and future. Hawk asks us to be observant of surroundings so we won’t get distracted from our path by others. It also reminds us not to get caught up in minor annoyances so we can maintain our inner balance.” — AnimalTotem.com, emphasis mine.
How appropriate is that?
Now for some photographic goodness from the trip:
I feel miles better. I’m not going back to sleep, turning a blind eye to the many things that need to change, but I am going to try to find some emotional balance, some grace and healing, while I ride out the storms that come with this waking up. I foresee more frequent trips to my sacred place.
I hope you’ve had a blessed Sunday, dear reader.