These days I feel on emotional overdrive. I care about everything, and everyone around me, even when I don’t want to. Tears well up easily.
It’s like my heart has vacated its space behind the protection of my rib cage and breastbone, and has risen to the surface to rest just below the thinnest layer of skin, and refuses any sturdier protection.
The old familiar walls refuse to go up, and crumble as fast as I try to build them.
Yet, in the midst of the vulnerability and tears, I am finding a glimmer of fearlessness that I didn’t know I had. Things that used to frighten me, I mean really scare the daylights out of me, are getting easier…Like opening myself to compassion to everyone, even when I don’t want to…Like allowing myself to be vulnerable with other people present…Like not being perfect, or not being exactly what other people want me to be.
I went for a walk yesterday around my neighborhood, and cutting down the train tracks I spotted the piece of wood up there, shaped by weather and where it had landed and who knows what else, to resemble an angel’s wing, and I can’t help but feel it echoes the feather I found on the beach, photographed, and spoke of in this post. It feels like a good, serendipitous sign that I’m on the right track. (Pun intended, given where I found it.)
Something good is rising, I can feel it.